Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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