i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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