When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
