I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
