Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just invented taco cereal.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When are your genitals available?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
