why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
