so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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