We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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