you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
