I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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