my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
