your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
