Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
