i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
