The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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