I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So much Jack, so little girl.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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