can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
