there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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