I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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