You made me cry and you don't even care
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
