i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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