Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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