Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
