dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
