The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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