It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
