He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
