You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
