You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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