I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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