i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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