I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
