Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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