Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
