i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
