Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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