How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
