This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
