i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
