I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
