one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
