Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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