how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
