just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
