Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
