I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
