My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
