I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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