this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
