get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
