this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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