I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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