did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
