i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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