i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
