I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
