Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
