Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
