I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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