Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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