what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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